Celebrities Among Victims of Tsunami

OMG OMG, not “Celebrities"!

I envision a movie of the week, showing a supermodel, clinging to a tree, in a thong and see-through men’s tank top (nipples showing of course) plaintively screaming “Simon, Simon, OMGWTF, where is Simon!”

And, the setting of Leonardo’s fine film “The Beach” has been damaged.

And Nate Berkus, that talented designer from Oprah, had to climb a telephone poll to survive. His friend did not make it.

People, THIS is news. Fuck the other 120,000 that died. The moms, the dads, the kids, the grandkids, the wives, the daughters, the sons.

The SUPERMODEL survived!

As I mentioned, I would so do Gary Dourdan.

I realize that the photo I chose left out one of his most striking features.

So, here he is again. Full Frontal.

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Men would rather marry their female assistants than equal-ranking women or their supervisors, according to social psychologists.

Duh.

Wonder how much they paid for THAT study.

*thinks back on the BF that were intimidated by me*

To The People Of Islam:
Just think: If we’d invaded your countries, killed your leaders and converted you to Christianity YOU’D ALL BE OPENING CHRISTMAS PRESENTS RIGHT ABOUT NOW!
Merry Christmas

source

Jesus H. Christ.
If there is a hell, I hope she rots there.

Screenshot behind here to save for posterity.
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She scratches herself ALL NIGHT LONG.

I feel very bad for her, I really do, but I need sleep.

Nothing seems to help her. NOTHING.

Wouldn’t it be awesome if Bush canceled his $20-$40 million dollar inaugural and gave the $$ instead to the Tsunami victims?

You will be missed, and I am sorry you lost your battle with cancer.

Gary Dourdan

by John Irving.

Fantastic book.

Why I have I not read more John Irving sooner?

Patrick loses his hand. Mrs. Clausen has one for him, as well as a little more.

Comedy? Dark Comedy? Love story?

First sentence:
IMAGINE A YOUNG MAN on his way to a less-than-thirty-second event-the loss of his left hand, long before he reached middle age.

I AM 53% ASSHOLE/BITCH! I am abrasive, some people really hate me, but there may be a group of other tight knit assholes and bitches that I can hang out with and get me. Everybody else? Fuck ‘em. Take the ASSHOLE/BITCH test at Fuali.com

I really love that word. I am sort of assholy.
nicked from Cassieleigh4242

Go tell her happy birthday, would ya?

I wish I lived in a time when plastic surgery did not exist.
Where differences made us interesting.
When people were okay however they came out of the box.
When we did not grow up with the messages around us telling us we are not thin enough, tall enough, virile enough, sexually wild enough.
That we should be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound while giving head and cooking a perfect souffle and our boobs were a perfect 36D and stuck out like torpedos or we had enormous penii that cause women to faint upon viewing.
Oh yeah, all this after a 60 hour work week during which we had perfect hair, BLINDINGLY white teeth, never got tired, and could remodel our entire home using a glue stick, some rickrack, a few safety pins and some lauan.

The missle that I’m talkin’ bout is mistletoe

ROTFL. Go watch this Boy Band Parody

found at firda’s.

I hate this day. I hate this whole time of year.

I wonder if it is harder when you lose someone at the holiday time. It seems like it because everyone else is so HAPPY and celebratory.

I’m blue.

Woot.

Click here to play, and enjoy.

I think I will post something like this once a week. Someone I would do.

God, I have so much class.

I literally feel like weeping.

The Bush administration issued comprehensive new rules yesterday for managing the national forests, jettisoning some environmental protections that date to Ronald Reagan’s administration and putting in place the biggest change in forest-use policies in nearly three decades.

and

The new rules give economic activity equal priority with preserving the ecological health of the forests in making management decisions and in potentially liberalizing caps on how much timber can be taken from a forest.

May God Damn You Bush. It is God’s world, God’s forests.

Entire article behind the cut.

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It’s that one where you can throw snowballs at windows and it makes noises when you hit, like someone bitching?

I know one of you has it.

Most likely Oscar. Heehee

NOT safe for work.

Nice background song too.

It’s adult, some bukkake. You’ve been warned.

Go.

Happy Yule!

Mine arrives at 7:41 am tomorrow, I should be on my way to work!

burn the yule log
hang the mistletoe
light the candles
and feast.

and then, Tuckle UP, because it is going to be cold!

Personally, I believe that Jesus would have been married.

Jewish men got married. That was the deal. I believe Jesus was married to Mary.

Further, it was not until 2 AD that Jesus was believed to be UnMarried. And sometime later, the Catholics decided Christ had to have been celibate, and supported by virgin sisterhood. God only knows why. (and he probably thinks it is silly)

I wonder why it became important to have Jesus celibate.

I believe that the Bible has been rewritten during the last 2,000 years to make it more and more misogynist. It would stand to reason that declaring Mary a whore, and making Jesus immune to the wiles of women would certainly support that stance.

Okay, that is my philosophical stuff on Jesus for the day.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe in Jesus. Not the way Christians do though. I believe he is meant to be viewed as our Brother, and as an enlightened Master. We can all save the world.

When there is a show or a movie, and the character is shown as a child, as a teen, and then as a adult, and they do not have the same eye color.

So, they have brown eyes when they are little, and then VOILA! Blue eyes as an adult.

Pfft

If they knew to keep his foreskin, because he was Jesus and all,

how come no one recorded ONE SINGLE THING about his early life?

Wouldn’t there have been holy diapers, holy toys, holy locks of hair, holy baby teeth?

This novel, by John Irving, was the most hypnotic and compelling book I read all year.

And I read a lot.

It’s the story of Ruth Cole, told in three different periods of her life. In the first, she is four. In the second, she is 36 and single. In the third, she is 41, a widow and mother.

This story is tangled and I could not put it down.

coolly and patronizingly haughty -reacted to their breach of etiquette with a supercilious smile-

I resent the supercilious manner in which I am treated by members of my team.

Etymology: Latin avunculus maternal uncle
1 : of or relating to an uncle
2 : suggestive of an uncle especially in kindliness or geniality -avuncular indulgence-

She resented him for his avuncular heartiness.

Hope your day made you as happy as you look in this picture!

*nods*

Jessica Simpson that is.

Daddy said:

“Jessica never tries to be sexy,” Simpson tells GQ. “She just is sexy. If you put her in a T-shirt or you put her in a bustier, she’s sexy in both. She’s got double D’s! You can’t cover those suckers up!”

Yeah, cuz all the boys in middle school know that big hooters=Sexy!

What a fucking asshat. Oh, wait, he is a former minister! *snort*

oops, I mean Fox.

I have never actually clicked on their website.

I just did to read an article someone pointed out to me.

Holy sheepshit, that is some scary shit.

Okay, so allegedly, 2004 years ago, maybe not in winter, but for sake of argument, let’s say on December 25, baby Jesus was born, and there were lots of animals around, really shiny stars, and wise men.

And according to Luke’s article about the whole thing, it says:

And when eight days were completed for the circumcision of the Child, His name was called Jesus, the name given by the angel before He was conceived in the womb. (Luke 2:21)

Now, knowing what all these people supposedly knew, about how Jesus was going to grow up to be… well, Jesus, do you think they stuck his foreskin in some kind of scrapbook? Or made it into a necklace or something? They used to do that with dead people’s hair you know.

Hmmmmmm.

Today, right outside the window from my work, a 17-car pileup.

Cause?

Tailgating.

Fatality? One 4 year old girl.

People, seriously. It’s not worth it.

I hate fucking people who park in MY preassigned, that I fucking pay for parking space.

This apartment complex gives us NICE big hard to remove stickers to stick on their cars.

Fucking people.

A cruise in the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there were only 3 survivors; Damian, Darren and Deirdre…

They manage to swim to a small island and they lived there for a couple of years doing what’s natural for men and women to do…

After several years of casual sex, all the time, Deirdre felt absolutely horrible about what she had been doing…

She felt having sex with both Damian and Darren was so bad that she killed herself…

It was very tragic but Damian and Darren managed to get through it and, after a while…

nature once more took its inevitable course…

Well, a couple more years went by and Damian and Darren began to feel absolutely horrible about what they where doing…

So…

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Three year old child found dead, in a hotel room filled with dirty diapers, and bottles with moldy milk and maggots.

The girl had possibly been dead for a DAY or two.

There were five other children in the hotel room.

According to county records, Hill (the mother) was arrested in April 2002 for felony child neglect.

The was under the same jurisdiction of Department of Children & Families in Orlando, Florida that LOST Rilya Wilson. Lost her. A six-year old girl. Gone. Still not found.

They have no comment at this time. Fuckers.

Flash THIS fucking story all over the news why don’t you fucking MEDIA?

I was just remembering a funny story about my mom.

This was in 1964, when she was pregnant with my sister.

My mom was obsessive compulsive about cleaning.

She was the type would go into your bathroom, get on her hands and knees and see if those little knobs behind your toilet were clean.

So, she was about 7 months pregnant and she decided to clean the top of the refrigerator. Being that other than her tummy, she was tiny, she climbed up there.

Then, she could not get down.

Heeeeeeee. I was 7, my sister was 6. We had to call our “Uncle Ivan” to come get her down. I will never forget that as long as I live.

I sure do miss the silly woman.

Okay, admit it. Are you wondering if she as a yaya under that skirt?

And dudes, it is only $90.

I’m not sure, but I think you could probably get a couple of real-life blowjobs with $90.

But seriously, anti-death penalty people, before you start making your signs, and quitting your jobs to sit vigil at his prison, consider these facts.

1) He is in California.
2) California has done 10 executions in 26 years.
3) There are 650 people already on death row.

You do the math. It will be the year 3706 before they get to him, if they continue at the same rate. Even if they starting offing 50 every 26 years, it would be the year 2329 or so.

So yeah. However, I will have a bit of glee whenever I think of him being gang-raped, over and over and over again. For years.

And yet, I still think the publicity this case has received is complete and UTTER BULLSHIT, as I have previously stated.

SHAHD-n-froy-duh, noun:
A malicious satisfaction in the misfortunes of others.

When I heard that a certain person had been frozen on Neopets, I felt schadenfreude, and a sense that Karma had been fulfilled.

I’ve added a new category, and as soon as I figure out how, I will move it to its own page.

I am a vocabulary NUT and I want to start saving some of the really cool words that cross my path.

Because nothing says elitist like throwing the word peristalsis into a conversation.

Person: Damn, my puppy needs to go outside within MINUTES of eating.
Me: Yeah, once they get that food in them, and the peristalsis starts, it’s not long til doo-doo time.

I mean it.

Now the news is saying:

If the reported evidence is admitted during Jackson’s trial, prosecutors would be expected to argue that the fingerprints were proof that Jackson showed the boy pornographic literature before molesting him.

Has he been found guilty of molesting and I just missed that? Jebus. Sleazy, lascivious media.

Bitch Has Word has the best take on this:

Authorities released a statement confirming that Michael Jackson’s fingerprints have been found on the things he touched.

OMGWTF!!11!!!eleventy! He has fingerprints! on stuff! in his house! MOLESTER!

Okay, I am all for a nice interlude in the shower.

But look at this microphone?

Lame.

I think this one would be better. (adult content warning)

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Some people in Maryland are suing Wal-Mart because there was not a warning label on a CD they bought and it had the word “Fuck” in one of the lyrics.

Also, they are seeking damages of up to $74,500 each.

The album they purchased? Evanescence.

Okay, since when did the responsibility of censoring what your child hears fall solely onto the retailer?

For fuck’s sake, if your kid wants an album, go home and check it out first.

I swear sometimes in the evening, I feel like smoke from other apartments is in my apartment.

Either that or my mom’s ghost is around and she is smoking.

It’s a biggish picture.

I owe this ALL to Gwen, a queen among women.

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Comedian Lewis Black on Homeland Security:

“There should be three levels of warning on homeland security: ‘Jesus Christ!’ ‘Goddammit!’ and ‘Fuck Me!’”

ganked from ass_

Canadian Court Approves Same-Sex Marriage

Gordon Young, pastor of the First Assembly of God Church in St. John’s, Newfoundland, was highly disappointed by the ruling.

“It’s a sad day for our country,” Young told CBC television news. “God is in the DNA of this nation. We believe that changing the definition of marriage is changing the divine institution that God put in place for the order of our society.”

Oh, PUH-leeeeeeeeeeeeze.

I am seriously contemplating saving up enough money to move there.

Article from news.yahoo.com behind the cut.
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This morning I was thinking about Julia Roberts.

I know, that in and of itself is scary.

I was thinking about all the stuff in the news lately about her twins, and once again, how she “stole” Danny Moder.

So, then I started thinking about Jerry Seinfeld. His wife Jessica was married when he “stole” her away from her husband. In fact, I think they were barely back from their honeymoon.

However, it both of these cases, it is the woman that was vilified. I do not get that. The men had just as much part in this. It’s not like Danny Moder was clinging to Vera saying “No Julia, please no, I am married” and Julia said “No, you will be mine” as she was stabbing his fingers so he would let go of Vera.

I’m just sayin’.

So, I got my pink Christmas tree, as seen at DaisyDo.

It is now proudly in my office, with hot pink and pearl ornaments, with a couple beanie babies and a dreidel game underneath it.

People are coming in all aghast. Even my boss said “I hope people don’t take it the wrong way".

WTF? I am getting the vibe that somehow my tree is not Christian. Unlike their green trees with various colored ornaments and lights on them.

ARE PEOPLE THAT FUCKING STUPID?

Apparently.

Now I am wishing I had gotten a rainbow tree, hung pot leaves and posted a huge sign that said “All I want for Christmas is legalized Gay Marriage and Medicinal Marijuana". Freaks.

I just burned this.

I was going to put the Bing Crosby/David Bowie on there, but it was the wrong version.

I know, you wish you were me. It’s okay.

p.s. I know “O Holy Night” is on there twice. I love that song so much I pondered burning a CD of nothing but that song in different versions. If you know where I can get it in French, let me know.

p.p.s. I am not a Christian, I just like Christmas songs.

Enjoy this tune.

Hanukkah Blessings, by Barenaked Ladies

Right click and save, or your balls are mine.

I got this from Wigglebottoms.

My first attempt garnered me an ooopsie, you are bad.

Hi! I’m Santa’s Head Elf!
Unless I’m terribly mistaken, it looks like you just wrote something that had a naughty word in it! I’m quite sure my little elfin eye saw you typing a word that looked an awful lot like “u@smell “. Good thing I caught it before anyone had a chance to read it. Otherwise, you would have ended up on the Naughty List for sure! (See, you never know when an elf might be watching you! *wink*).

I think it was me telling him I would tell people he smelled like butt if I did not get what I wanted.

Okay, I got it through by saying I would tell people he had the aroma on a men’s bathroom after an overdose of ExLax.

And here is my reply: (edited the boring parts out)
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If you are planning on changing yellow and magenta toners at work, black pants are bad. v.v. bad.

I feel so much sympathy for his family. Do not get me wrong.

This rant is about the LIES told surrounding his unfortunate death.

The Lie

“After coming under fire, Tillman’s patrol got out of their vehicles and gave chase, moving toward the spot of the ambush. Beevers said the fighting was “sustained” and lasted 15-20 minutes. Beevers said Tillman was killed by enemy fire, but he had no information about what type of weapons were involved in the assault, or whether he died instantly.”

The Truth

It found that Tillman was shot to death on April 22 after a U.S. soldier mistakenly fired on a friendly Afghan soldier in Tillman’s unit, and other U.S. soldiers then fired in the same direction.

Our government disgusts me. This “war” disgusts me.

And while I am at it, and again, DO NOT GET ME WRONG, Tillman’s death was tragic. However, I also think that the man who enlisted, and gave up the first years of his first child’s life is just as heroic as a football player who gave up a couple million.

Yeah. It’s one of those days. Ask me to do something for you, and I will probably fuck it up.

WHERE is my head?

Last night, as I was trying to sleep and could not stop the tears, I think I figured out why I am so depressed this year.

As you may or may not know, my mom died on January 7, 2002. Sadly, loss of a parent is a different kind of grief. It just keeps feeling like the wound gets reopened all the time.

I think what I am feeling now is the impending sense of doom. And what if. December always reminds me.

What if, in December of 2001, I had known how sick my mom was becoming.
What if, my fucking sister had called me, and I could have been there to say goodbye, and tell her how much I loved her.
What if, I had given her the present I was saving for her birthday.
What if, I had not erased all my voice mail messages, so i could still hear her voice.
What if, I had known it was the last time I would hug her or see her.

It’s unbearable at times.

Tonight is the rerun of her gaffe, even though it was edited out.

I just caught her first song.

A) SO obvious she is lyp-synching.
B) Her movements are so… contrived.
C) that fucking batty-eyelash-flirt thing with the camera?

Some one please come over and flog me till I bleed. That would be preferable to seeing her perform again.

A man forced his way into a primary school in northeast China Friday and stabbed and injured 12 grade-one pupils, the latest in a wave of recent school attacks in China, Xinhua news agency said.

The man, whose identity was unknown, was seized and the injured pupils taken to hospital near the school in the northeast province of Jilin, the agency said.

A series of attacks on schoolchildren in China in recent months have prompted schools in Beijing and other cities to recruit professional guards.

Last month, a man broke into a Chinese school dormitory in the central province of Henan and stabbed eight children to death in their sleep.

A bus driver stabbed 24 primary school children with a kitchen knife and kidnapped a nine-year-old girl at a primary school in eastern Shandong province in September.

The same month, a man with a knife and homemade bombs attacked 28 children in a kindergarten in the city of Suzhou, near Shanghai. No one was killed. In August, a janitor stabbed 17 at a Beijing kindergarten, killing one child.

Chinese police arrested a man accused of killing a 5-year-old boy and his teacher at a Beijing kindergarten in October.

Holy fuck.

source

You ready? No liquids in your mouth?

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and Afton! So cool to share a birthday!

I hope you had a great day with Griffin and Holden.

*hugs*

My real last name is clearly German-ish/Russian-ish/Jew-ish.

Growing up, I often encountered prejudice, being called a kike, and having my second grade teacher (you out there Mrs. Kingsmore of Lincoln Elementary School in Burbank, California?) say to me:

I am surprised your mother’s parents let her marry a Jew and have children.

Nice, eh?

Later in life, I told my stepmother about this and she said:

I just do not see how that could have happened. It never happened to Princess and Mr. StickUpHisAss.

Yeah. Right. I make this shit up for my health. Why not just say “Rori, you are a big LIARHEAD!”

p.s. I think this is first time I have ever spoken of my brother, Mr. StickUpHisAss. I am sure he would be pleased to meet you.

I saw this topic at Snidget’s, about things we do not need to hear from our co-workers.

These are mine. Every single one of these are TRUE and I did not even change their NAMES! Because I am ballsy like that.

#1
Fran: “I have this really big pimple like thing on the inside of my labia”
Me: O__O

#2
Jan: “Um, I was wondering if you could come over tonight and give my husband a blow-job, because he is getting a vasectomy tomorrow, and I really hate giving him blowjobs, so I thought maybe you would do it?”
Me: O__O

#3
Laurie: “Do you think this means anything? My vaginal discharge is dark green".
Me: O__O

This is pretty much how I wash mine. I just fling the water on to my face and laugh.

You?

(apologies in advance to my sister, Princess, who may recognize this photo)

Eric Kasner.
Jun 11, 1963 - Aug 28, 1995

Friend. Son. Artist. Passionate. Kind.

He was my friend. And I miss him very much.