On August 30th, all citizens who wish to end the Bush presidency can use light as our metaphor.

I have not blogged about my trip to sanity lately. I feel like it today.
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What in the name of all that is holy are these people thinking when they name their children?

Jermaine Jackson - daughter - Jermajesty
Jason Lee - son - Pilot Inspektor (the K really helps)
Tu Morrow - daughter - Rob Morrow
Reignbeau - daughter? - Viung Rhames
Audio Science - son - Shannyn Sossamon

These poor poor children.

The newest thing for music festivals!

No more dirty toilets, give me a URINAL!

Just use these:

And happy PEEPEE time!

The first one, well you can see how it works. The second one, you just pee in and throw it away. I don’t like that one because of the landfill issues.

No, I did not make this up.

Notwithstanding “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Pete Coors, yeah, like the beer, who is running for Colorado Republican Senate, is urging that the drinking age be lowered.

He says if it is lowered, then teenagers will learn to drink more responsibly. I am sure this has nothing to do with the MILLIONS more consumers of his product this would generate.

Well, hell. Let’s just give them guns too. And let them have a car at 13 – why wait.

And before you give me the argument about “If they are old enough to fight for our country, they should be allowed to drink…” DON’T. They should not be allowed to fight either.

On the same day that I was appalled that Arnold the guvna of California was trying to kill stray pets faster, I found this inspiring article at Snopes.

Man Saves Catfish who tries to eat ball!

Doesn’t that just make you so happy? It does me. I hate when creatures of the earth are endangered by our shit.

Oooooooh, I just found another Greenpeace Blog.

This one? Stop Icelandic Whaling. The people working so diligently to stop the whaling there.

I am so madly passionately in love with that bit of earth, I can barely stand it. I want to roll on it, sleep on it, ride a native horse over it, lick its glaciers… I just love it.

But enough about me. Go read the BLOG!

Conservative (adj.) Favoring traditional views and values; tending to oppose change.

Three times in our history we have elected a president who was the direct descendant of another president.

John Adams
Term of office: 1797-1801
And his son
John Quincy Adams
Term of office: 1825-1829

William Henry Harrison
Term of office: 1841
And his grandson
Benjamin Harrison
Term of office: 1889-1893

George Herbert Walker Bush
Term of office: 1989-1993
And his son
George Walker Bush
Term of office: 2001-

What do the first five of these presidents have in common?

None was elected to a second term.

Surely here is an American Tradition, over 200 years old, that needs to be preserved.

I am having a hard time thinking of a pithy title for this entry, can you tell?

I’m just in a… hmmmmmm… what to call this mood. Anxiety with a side of depression and mania thrown in?

It’s very against my nature to keep my mouth shut, but I am trying to be very very good at work.

I am going to think of a way to work something Jewish into the next meeting… perhaps I will bring up the Jewish holidays that fall near our event.

Anyway, Fahrenheit 9/11 WILL be in this town, if only at two theaters, so that is a relief. Focus On the Family was not able to completely shut it out.

*yawn* I am boring even myself.

HEY, you! Over there with the big pregnant belly… I sent you something, did you get it yet? Huh, didja, didja?

Okay, just wanted to make sure my blog did not get stale.

Oh yeah, I opened a new bank account? $25 bucks they charged me for the fucking checks. That’s highway robbery.

So today, I was in a meeting at work, in the offices of one of the Human Resources people.

We are planning some employee event.

She was telling us about her contact so far with a vendor and she actually said:

I will keep trying to jew him down.

I could not fucking believe it.

Second Season starts tonight!

*dances*

I decided to celebrate with a new skin since I do not have enough time to start over with WordPress today.

It’s darkish, maybe reflective of my mood, and it starts Milla Jovovich, the girl I would go gay for.

I guess if you want to try to find something to be pessimistic about, you can find it, no matter how hard you look, you know?

Is it just me, or does that make NO sense?

He also said:

Well, I think one thing the American people have seen is that I know how to lead.

I spit beverage on my screen at that one.

source

I am getting emails that you all are commenting, but the comments are not showing on the blog.

I was lazy and upgraded this to 3.0. I must have mucked something up.

Crap.

That’s it. Tonight, I switch to Wordpress.

1. Open a new file in your PC;
2. Name it “George W. Bush";
3. Send it to the trash;
4. Empty the trash;
5. Your PC will ask you: “Do you really want to get rid of George W.
Bush?”
6. Calmly answer “Yes” and press the mouse button firmly.

Dammit all to hell.

My TV has been taken over by an evil being from another planet or something.

The volume keeps going up to the very highest level, all of its own accord.

The remote won’t stop it, it won’t stop from the panel on the front…

What the FUCK?!?!?!?!

Dammit dammit dammit fuck shit.

I have a song that I have never made love to, but one of these days, I swear I will.

Glory Box by Portishead.

You can hear a clip on their website. It’s on the Dummy album.

What is your song?
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For the last two nights, I have had nightmares. About my deceased mom. Except in the dreams she is alive. And drinking. A lot. Like she did when she was really alive.

The dreams suck. In one dream, I spray painted her rug with purple paint, in various designs. This really impressed Topher Grace, who then wanted to have sex with me, and I did, even though I felt guilty since I am old enough to be his mother.

THEN, I was back home, dealing with the repercussions of the purple rug. My drunk mom made me start washing each purple design off the rug with a washcloth and soap.

Somehow, I was transported to somewhere else and I was dry humping David Morse standing up, mind you, and that lead to other things and then I woke up because, well, you know… and then when I tried to go back to sleep, all I could picture was my mom drinking vodka.

At least I was sated.

Here in Coloraddy, we got our share of troubles. One of them being accusations of rape and sexual harrassment at University of Colorado.

The president of that University stated that she has heard the word “c*nt” used as a term of endearment.

So, yeah. Let’s all run out and call each other c*nts now.

Flabbergasted.

I don’t make this shit up, pal.

WTF!??!?!?!!!!!!

My email box is being KILLED with spam.

Just today? Over 800 fucking spam emails.

At THIS domain.

I am highly annoyed and wish I could take legal recourse against these fuckers.

Democratic National Convention!

Thanks to Scott, we can prevent some asshat from Googlebombing the Democratic National Convention out of its rightful place.

Hi. It’s me. The one who has never read nor seen a Harry Potter book/movie.

I understand a lot of people love them, and that is okay.

But WTF is with grown people writing slash pr0n about them?

I know one woman, not a friend of mine mind you… who spends hours of her day writing this shit. Gay pr0n with Harry and Draco. Yeah, and she does this while her son and daughter play nearby. SICK!

And I am talking some nasty stuff. Stuff you do not want to think about too much. Notwithstanding the fact that it is very pedophilic.

So, forgive me for being further turned off by the Harry Potter thing.

Is there anywhere on the web where Reagan was called this while he was still alive?

Or is this one of those posthumous titles given?

And before you dismiss me as getting off on another environmental rant, not to worry.

This is a rant about the stupid people.

Yes, the stupid Russians who found the poison.

Yeah, I know, you are thinking:

She just said stupid Russians!

Well, they are. They found a canister of powder in a dump near their base.

So, what do these brainiacs do? They dump it in their tobacco and smoked it. They “sniffed” it. (I think “snort” is probably more likely, but that’s just me)

Later, they used it on their feet.

Now, several of them are in very serious condition because the powder was toxic, a poison named Thallium.

Don’t believe me?

You all know what I am talking about right? Those little foot thingies they give you at the stores like Shoe Pavillion or DSW, so you can try on shoes and apparently, these little things keep you from getting foot fungus or something.

Anyway, I know you come home and find one in your pocket. I now have the answer to what you should do with them.
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And no, this is not a meme.

It is just Functional Ambivalent’s calculation of what Friday’s funeral focus cost us.

Yeah, US.

OJ Simpson is SUCH as asshole.

In an interview with Catherine Crier, he says:

“If it wasn’t for the media or if I wasn’t blamed, I probably would have trouble remembering June 12. But obviously, it’s impressed on my memory because I hear it all the time and because of the trial and all.”

WTF?????? Even if by the most minute of chances that he was NOT the murderer, this is the day his children lost their mother. Apparently, he is not real in tune with them or their emotions.

Or would he have us believe they show nothing this time of year?

Oh wait…

In the interview, Simpson said that he never has spoken to his children in the last 10 years about the death of their mother. He said that he has been advised to wait until the children ask.

The man is not only a killer, he is an imbecile.

source

I wonder if our troops got to take the day off.

If you want a good hearty belly laugh, then check out Will Ferrell’s Video of the song Afternoon Delight.

I cannot even get to MovableType anymore to get the default templates if I am a free user?

Now THAT pisses me off.

note to self: switch to wordpress this weekend.

The President is getting off the helicopter in front of the White House holding a baby pig under each arm.

The Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says: “Nice pigs, sir.”

The President replies: “These are not just pigs, these are very rare. They are authentic Texan Razorback Hogs. I got one for VP Cheney, and I got one for Defense Secretary Rumsfeld .

The Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and replies, “Nice trade, sir.”

You gotta see these CLOUDS!!!! (click to see them, largish image)

Apparently, they are called “mammatus” clouds and were photographed in Mexico.

from the astronomy picture of the day site.

JLo, who cares?

Reagan, prayers to his family during their time of loss.

New job, OMG, could I love it more? No. Although I have to event plan an event in New York City, where I have never been, so that is a little overwhelming. Oh yeah, and London. *flops*

Anyone know where 100 people could picnic in New York City without walking a lot? Oooh, and where there is shade?

I will rant about new jobs and clothes later, but for now, I am getting to bed early.

I know many people participated in the Blogathon last year, so I am passing along this info I just learned.

Blogathon is taking a year off this year, but another site, Project-Blog, is picking up to take its place for this one year.

:)

Picture this: A British journalist, with an American Citizen as a husband and also an American child. She flies to America to for her job.

She is handcuffed, body searched, detained in custody for 26 hours because she was a threat to America.

Why?

Because of a lost law from 1952 that got stuck into the Patriot Act, requiring journalists to get a special visa.

Full Story Here.

It is hard not be depressed when you read that Polar Bears in the arctic now test positive for levels of a flame-retardent toxin that does not EXIST in the arctic.

It was not believed in the past that this particular man-made toxin, deca-BDE, could actually travel long distances or be absorbed.

“Not believed”

I scoff even at myself saying that. Who am I kidding? We created a toxin and then spread the rumor that we did not THINK it would be harmful is probably what happened.

It’s sad, really.

Full story here.

I have not Pimped a Blog in a while and for that, I am sorry.

Today’s pimpalicious must-read is:

Estogen with a Side of Back Bacon

The G-Spot is some GOOOOOOOD reading.

*pimps*

Wayne was on Jay Leno tonight, not sure if it was a rerun, just caught it for a moment.

My first thought was….

“Man, does he look like he has had too much plastic surgery”

Second thought…

“I hope this singing sounds better as his live shows”

Third thought was remembering the first time I heard him.

I was less than 10 years old, not sure how old, but for some reason, the song Danke Schoen was playing on a record player in the house.

It was my first face to face experience with a sexual identity issue.

Because I guarantee you that recording sounds like a girl. Go listen.

Look at this album cover.

Not sure why I am blogging this. I just remember being profoundly confused.

Dear Halle,

You don’t mind if I cheat on you repeatedly and generally behave like an ass and then try to break our pre-nup so you have to support my ass?

Signed,
Scumbag
oops, I mean Eric Benet

Found at Scott’s, who got it from Kevin, who got it at the Peking Duck.

How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to replace a light bulb? Seven:

“1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be replaced,

“2. One to attack and question the patriotism of anyone who has questions about the light bulb,

“3. One to blame the previous administration for the need of a new light bulb,

“4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs,

“5. One to get together with Vice President Cheney and figure out how to pay Halliburton Industries one million dollars for a light bulb,

“6. One to arrange a photo-op session showing Bush changing the light bulb while dressed in a flight suit and wrapped in an American flag,

“7. And finally one to explain to Bush the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.”

Dear Madge,

I adore you. Seriously. I think you have raised the bar for all women.

But this?

I think only Guy needs to see you in that pose.

OMFG, this day could not be any better.

But because I only had like 1 hour of sleep last night, I have to make this short.

1. THE JOB ROCKS SO HARD I CAN BARELY BELIEVE IT.

2. Tomorrow, we all get to go outside for a catered lunch to watch the Thunderbirds Air Show which is being put on for the Air Force Academy Graduation.

3. Bush will be here. BOOOOOOO

4. Iceland is going to cut back on the number of whales it kills this year.

Okay, thanks to all for your good wishes, I sincerely mean that.

Talk to you later.